WakefulLiving

Pro-choice for Instance

2010-10-02T16:25:00.001-07:00

If you enjoy a good debate, and I believe that everyone does, it’s important for me to tell you, up-front, that I cannot fulfill that particular means of arousal, if the topic at hand is abortion. I find that when discussing abortion people rarely seem to know what they’re talking about. When you think pro-choice what is it exactly that you think of? If you are like most you have probably been hardwired to think it might have something to do with a woman’s right to choose to abort a pregnancy, and according to Wiki and every known dictionary I have come across, it is. I, on the other hand, don’t find it to be that simple. It is vague, and perhaps because I am sympathetic to both the pro-choice and pro-life cause. I am completely understanding and accepting of a woman’s right to do with her body what she pleases. I also firmly believe that taking a life is morally and unquestionably wrong, and it seems that anything that has the opportunity for life should be given the opportunity to live that life.

So taking a position on the topic is complicated if you are limited to either the pro-choice or pro-life ideal. Most people who do stand for their right to choose are also, likely, humanists who are for gun control, and against the death penalty, in other words, they are generally liberal when it comes to social issues. I believe they know that to be pro-choice doesn’t necessarily mean to have a soft spot for abortion. And that in actuality just because a person has the right to choose it does not mean they believe abortion to be “right”. It is a separate issue.

We are all responsible for the choices we make in life and the ramifications that fallow. Whether you can accept the consequences of sin that are between you and your god, and only you and your God; or you are coping with the emotional repercussions of your daily choices it is something you are responsible for. If you are terminating an organism that has the chance of life you are committing murder, and that has little to do with your freedom to choose what you do with your body. It seems to me we are attempting to relate the act of abortion with self-defense, killing to protect ourselves from harm, and that is too fine a line. We find ourselves making excuses for a situation that we are unwilling to accept responsibility for. I'm not going to lecture anyone but as we all know there are alternatives.

A Spiritual Background (article)

2010-09-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

I was raised to view spirituality not as a blind devotee unconsciously submitting to the absolute, but rather as a daily truth guiding us in moments of uncertainty; as something to keep at the forefront of my conscious self. I was raised to make a choice. Looking at life as an opportunity to create myself and embrace, as a result, whichever religion “chooses” me. This path of enlightenment (so-to-speak) has lead me to attend a variety of religious services from Christianity to Hinduism and I've discovered aspects of every faith to have truth. I expected, however, these truths to be independent of one another bordering on similar but ultimately, different. I've noticed that every faith is congruent to the others in every conceivable way but one: the axiom of experiences of those who created the faith at the beginning, as a result of their culture and their traditions.

Regardless of the region that a religion was conceived there was a time when we could not understood the stars, the moon, the sun, or our emotions and feelings. And though we are all essentially the same we differ by how we think, what we think, and why, consequent to our experiences and our biology. We all needed to understand the world around us, and the worlds inside of us, so we created in our image-something we could understand-a concept that became responsible for everything that we could not understand. This idea then spread by means of diffusion, and then changed, and evolved (to some degree) because of our cultures, traditions, and the different ways that we perceive the world. We would eventually create what we all now know today to be God, and religion. We wouldn’t begin to understand many of these concepts until around the seventeenth century when what we consider to be modern science was realized. Three and half thousand years after the first few books of the bible had been penned, let alone a general concept of religion. And we didn't begin to form a better understanding of ourselves, our minds, or our emotions until the nineteenth century. Needless to say there is a gap between the birth of religion and the realization of the self, and our surroundings. Still religion, and our concept of God has not evolved with time or a better understanding of ourselves, and of spirituality.

I should, at this point, help you to better understand an approach to love that you may, or may not, be familiar with. One that would open up to you a new perspective that I believe you should be familiar with. Love, as we generally understand it to be, is a feeling (or ability) that is shared between people whether it be our families, friends or a significant other. It is something we do, or that we feel, and believe, but most importantly it’s viewed as something that we “feel for” someone. As Shakespeare so eloquently puts it “Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the start to every wandering bark, whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.” However, reading this nowhere does he mention a love between people. He describes it in a way that many of us might describe God. Of course, though, that wouldn’t surprise most because people contribute this feeling of love to their relationship with God. We often say that Love is God. What if instead we considered the reverse, that God is Love. That love is in all things. And we then compare God to water and ourselves to a fish. God is like water and we are the fish and a fish does not believe in water, to a fish water is all there is. Keep that in mind for the moment as we consider the following parallels between the various religions.

have noticed similarities throughout the different religions beyond the borrowed, shared, and slightly altered parables of each tenet. There is a kinship of piety that is a coincidental and unintended reoccurrence that are expressions of love and faith. Footnotes that bridge our faiths and bind us to one another as deeply underlying principles impossible to ignore. Consider first, the Law of Attraction, made known by Rhonda Byrne and her book The Secret is the realization of our active thoughts positive or negative attracting to us a like reality. Simply, if you frequently have positive thoughts you will bring good things into your life. Does this sound familiar? It could be mistaken for the Buddhist concept of Karma, which is the creature of our thoughts in relation to our attitude that brings to us more of what we consciously or unconsciously attract to our lives. Samsara, meaning “continuous flow” is the act of living, and the ability to separate yourself from that every day routine yet realizing that you are also a part of that routine. That sounds strikingly similar to this idea of love that myself, and so many, have become familiar with.

Lets take a second to return to this idea that Love is God. Everything you hold true for God, with the exception that we were created in {his} image, project instead towards love. Imagine, if you will for a moment, that God is not the creator but rather the act of creation and a collection of our combined thought. Imagine that Love in essence was not a feeling. It is like whiteness. Love is the harmony of all feelings. It is what makes reality comprehendible and the universal attainable. Love is like water, and that we are the fish, and a fish cannot exist without water. To the fish water is all that is. There does not exist anything outside of it. Love, then, becomes the act of creation. Love is an act and this life is the means in which we carryout that act. We instilled ideas of intention to give ourselves meaning (Heaven, Nirvana, Moshka, etc) but without “true” meaning we have the opportunity to create for ourselves our own personal meaning.

The Obama Revelation

2010-09-24T21:06:00.001-07:00

President Barack Obama is well into his first term as the President of the United States and whether or not you proffer your assent or recoil at the idea of unsolicited change, he has made good with a number of his campaign promises. Many of which are under scrutiny but all promise a much-needed overhaul of faith in our ailing government. The obvious and understated truth is that we are better off now trying something new and coming up short then we are to continue down the same thirty year course fractured by deception and turmoil. We have isolated ourselves from the prospect of global community, looking at the rest of the world as spectators aware of yet uninvolved with.

We do have our differences politically, but we mustn't delude ourselves into believing that one idea is any more notable than the other. Depending solely on our parties and the clashing moral perceptions confuses what it is that we have worked so diligently for. Finally recognizing that our problems cannot be solved by are affiliated views we can unite as human beings and solve our issues as such. It is time to put contradictions aside and create a balance between our conflicting moralities.

Psychologist Jonathan Haidt makes the comparison of Ying and Yang to Republicans and Democrats in his “Moral roots of Liberals and conservatives” talk on TED. An idea of opposing equals each only function(s) as a result of the other and both necessary in maintaining balance. Sent-ts’an said, “If you want the truth to stand clear before you, never be for or against, the struggle between “ for and against" is the minds worst disease.”

We have seen in recent months President Obama shake hands with the Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, we have seen him sit down with Benjamin Netanyahu, the Israeli Prime Minister - where he made clear the necessity of reopening negotiations with the Palestinians. As well as extending the promise of a “new beginning” with Iran stating, “With the coming of a new season {spring}, we're reminded of this precious humanity that we all share. And we can once again call upon this spirit as we seek the promise of a new beginning,” The Obama administration is attempted approach in our foreign policy-one that if succeeds will have the potential of redefining not only our domestic and international image but the rest of the worlds as well.

Granted, over the past several months we have seen the administration strive for what has been considered as “to much too soon.” President Barack Obama made it a personal goal to establish a Universal Health Care system while also, hopefully, creating his legacy as the 44th president of the United States. This step was met, of course, with criticism and though he was successful it began his decline in approval with the American public. Nevertheless, it was a bold move and a step in a direction of his promises that further my strong belief that we are better off now trying something new and failing then we are continuing down a path we know to be wrong. We see a continued decline in approval as a result of our still lacking economy, however we have also seen the Republican party make an extra effort in attempts to secure the white house in 2012. They are aware that the efforts the Obama administration has made towards rebuilding our economy is and will continue to work but we wont see a majority of those improvements for another-oh, I don’t know-four years.

We are a world separated by our differences in opinion, confused by those differences and terrified of what these differences could mean. We have yet to realize that it is necessary to maintain a balance between bipartisanship, and without the thought process and intentions of both parties we would never be the country we are today. When running a business Its essential that both analytical and personable people are present in order for this business to mature. It would benefit us to think of our government the same. Both Republicans and Democrats want what is best for the country, and though, in recent years, (five decades) we have seen the party’s disagree for no reason other than to disagree, to blatantly disregard the will of an American people and to smear the name and intention of another, for no reason than to shift power and make money. It would seem that they must have forgotten that we are all, in fact, in this together; that we trusted them to provide for us, the American people, a free, a safe, and an honest life. They must, again, realize that their back and forth badgering can only make us look uncollected to the world, and has not, nor could it maintain, or offer a change to the future of our unsettled country. To quote John F. Kennedy “Let us not be blind to our differences-but let us also direct our attention to our common interests and to the means by which those differences can be…” accepted. Even if the only thing that any of us have in common is that we share this small planet that is enough a reason to at least try. By electing Barack Obama as President we sent that message to the world. One that suggests that we are willing to accept those differences and work with them, and that we, as Americans understand something needs to change. We must remember that we were finally ready to Unite, not only together but with the rest of the world.

Also, the United States wouldn’t despair to consider adopting a de facto multiparty system. Then further putting more power in states hands while not limiting the powers of the federal government but allowing, instead, for the government to focus on fewer issues creating both a unified United States and a stronger nation by recognizing states as “city states” per-say. Certain pressing issues would remain the focus of a centralized government (i.e Universal Health Care, Military) while smaller issues be the focus of the states. (i.e Welfare, Gay Marriage, Strict Gun Control Laws, Higher/Lower Taxes et cetera) This would be an ideal step towards returning to a system the founding members of this country had originally intended. Though we will always struggle with domestic disagreements this step would at least allow us to again focus on international disputes with more attentiveness.

We will, at some point, have to begin drafting some idea of a global community, with an expanding population and the possible threat of nuclear war; whether or not this threat is imminent or fabricated. The idea of the global community is either one ignored or unfamiliar to an American public. Realistic or not the idea would mean very little other than to find a willingness to accept the differences of one another. Though it is an idea that we, as Americans, need to embrace if we want to maintain a significant role as a world super power. By electing Barack Obama we sent that message (though since may have strayed) to the rest of the world that we are ready to accept that not only are we Americans; we are also people -- sharing a world with other people. We can then embrace our cultural differences and learn to support the strengths each has to contribute to this global community. The Obama administration has the means to inspire and motivate an American peoples’ willingness to accept that change. As well as the characteristics to lead us, and the world through this collaborated beginning. It is up to us now, as Americans to assume a responsibility to “be that change we want to see in the world.”

The Signature of Love

2010-09-24T21:05:00.001-07:00

I was a sophomore in high school the first time I feel in love. The feeling was exciting, incomparable, and unbelievably forbidding; but only because I knew I wanted to hold on to it as long as possible. This was the first time I had allowed myself, or found myself capable, of sharing an idea of love similar to that of which I share with my family, a love that was between myself and another. Love produces emotional feelings of well-being with elevated levels of Serotonin, Oxytocin, and Vasopressin in our systems, these are chemicals that, will essentially, make us feel good-and assist in increased functioning of our limbic and nervous systems-they are feelings that we enjoy experiencing and would strain to hold on to. However I believe this explanation of love to be limited, this is a scientific illustration of our feeling-just a description-it is not a basis of or the meaning behind love.

Love creates in us a strong intent to be better, and not necessarily for ourselves but in the interest of others. We will build from it and grow by the agency of it, we are more demanding of ourselves yet increasingly more kind and responsive towards others. As a result many have considered love the most complicated idea conceivable. In actuality it is the single more straightforward and therefore basic idea there is. Love, in essence, is not a feeling-it is like whiteness-love is the harmony of all feelings. It is what makes reality comprehendible and the universal attainable. Though this love, as we know it, tends to change as we get older. When we were younger it was a feeling and something to revere, as we grow older it becomes a skill and something we have to practice. It is grounding reminding ourselves of what it felt like to be nervous. The junior high dance standing on opposite ends of the gymnasium. Subdued by a love-sick-nervousness, and rapidly developing now-or-never feeling that envelopes us to the point of paralysis. It is an anxiousness that seems to generate a weight in the pit of our stomach, and feeling that dictates our thoughts making it difficult for us to think about anything else. A time when we used phrases like “the love of my life.” Now, we’re older, and we forget what it felt like to know what it means to love as opposed to our just, kind of, understanding it. I believe that we knew it better then and we have since complicated things.

I have learned that we create this mental shift between love and an idea of love, and with this distinction we are no longer capable of contrasting the two. Love surrounds us creating an idea that is often intimidating and difficult to personate, it’s this same idea that women are expected to maintain a degree of beauty associated with perfection. A society decides how women are supposed to be and to look and this provokes an image that is often unappeasable; much like the ultra-masculine idealism that follows young men around as they are raised, also, to believe an image that is predetermined by our society. This idea of love has been fashioned, and manipulated by song, film, and an expectant society. Though I don’t mean to imply that this love that is managed by music and film is falsified, it is very real and more beautiful than any of us can possibly imagine. However we are lead to believe at an early age that we will find it, or have failed in some degree in life if we cannot maintain or accept the idea.

We have forgotten that those feelings we experience when we are younger that many of us look back on quizzically, wondering what has happened as we got older. The love of my life feeling is, in fact, “A love of life” and as we get older age, indifference, and this society will craft that love into this idea that we market at something much differently, as that something we are expected to obtain. We let the excuses of a society convince us of this idea and as a result we begin to lose our lust for life and the unknown that we have yet to experience along with those dreams and passions we had, and the desire to share them with another person.

We need to learn to refashion the relationship. Because the relationships that last are those in which each person accepts one another, enterprising in your similarities while being influenced by your differences. And early on developing strong communication-verbalizing your expectation, intentions, and dreams-between one another. Which will thereafter establish an ability to share those things that would otherwise seem the most difficult to express, and you’ll begin to understand, subsequently that love is the act of creation itself, because-the fact is-you have never been without it, love does envelope you and it always has. To share this love with another person means to acknowledge a mutual awareness of beauty and existence while willingly engaging in the unimaginable shared opportunity to create this passion and life, together. Love is water and we are the fish and a fish cannot exist without water. Love can be unexplainable, and often unbelievable but does a fish believe in water?

A Commitment

2010-09-24T21:04:00.001-07:00

While talking with my ex wife the other morning about a number of things, most of which we cover, again, and again every couple of months – as she seems to need clarity of sorts regularly, we also spoke about marriage, or rather the concept of marriage. We both walked away from ours bitter though not necessarily towards each other but to the institution and some underlining belief that humanity is better with it. As the conversation progressed we went deeper into this new understanding of this tradition, and discovering that we each share an element of accession. Believing, of course, that the practice of marriage comes with a series of expectations, one of which is commitment, a commitment not fundamentally to each other, but rather -- to Forever. You have to understand that people change and it’s not uncommon for two people after years of marriage to wake up one morning and realize they are no longer in love with that person next to them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that – it happens. Why do we honor this commitment of forever regardless of how we really feel? Especially when the commitment we actually believe we are honoring with this person – to love – has already been broken.

And, another that is never really expressed verbally, or by any other means, is this idea that you have to grow with someone – towards them – through a marriage. We seem to forget that when we fall in love we generally don’t tend to do so because this person reminds us of ourselves, we are attracted to their differences (among other things). And, it is growing – independently -- that allows us to hold on to that something that we loved about them, as long as the willingness and desire are still there. It is the commitment to accepting another’s differences that we need to be faithful to. Is it not more reasonable to not get married, but to live with and love this person as long as your feelings continue? If it lasts, then it lasts, and if not, then you make the best of what you can.

If you don’t have the love for a person necessary to remain faithful before marriage I can promise you that getting married will not change that, and the marriage will not change how you feel about a person. Don’t get me wrong, I am not speaking out against the institution of marriage. I am simply expressing certain motives and expectations of a commitment that may not have been considered. If you believe that by getting married you are honoring your faith and love for another person and marriage is the best way for you to communicate that, I can completely respect and sympathize; there was a time I could even empathize. A truth will remain however, and that is that if you are not fulfilled with your partner, without being married -- you will never feel fulfilled being married. And, if you are… why get married?

Communication

2010-09-24T21:03:00.001-07:00

The ability to Communicate with people is a universal difficulty, and by that I mean, most of everyone that I know, including myself, has issues with it. It seems, however, to be an obstacle we choose on a daily basis to want to expose ourselves to. Every single day we make unusual choices that involve other people, because every single day we have little choice but to involve ourselves with the daily lives of other people. I understand that the exposure can be frustrating. Day-in and day-out there is nowhere we can go to get away from anybody, ever. It is natural for us to be overwhelmed with this constant openness. We innately relate the circumstances of the universe with our own day-to-day lives on an extremely person level and assume that everyone is in our way as a result; we become so overexposed that we also feel that we don’t have to explain anything to anyone. That these people should already just know how we feel, because, like I said, its innate. What we forget-or ignore-is the fact that the only thing any one of us really has in common is one another and that’s because we cannot escape the overflow. Telling one anther what we are thinking or feeling becomes the single most tedious and difficult part of our day-to-day lives, it takes a little effort, it is easier not to worry about but it’s also probably the most important conscious decision we make throughout our day-to-day lives.

Making a conscious decision to communicate what we are thinking with people may, on occasion, result in hurting a persons feelings. I can assure you though that making that conscious, honest, choice will go over much better than the unconscious, innate, lack of thought that is the alternative. In life, you-whomever you are-will, at some point, hurt somebody’s feelings, I can promise you that, and you will also have your feelings hurt. There isn’t a person alive who will not upset another human being time, and again. As difficult as it may seem being honest and expressing your feelings or opinions about a person, positive or negative, is undeniably important. You will also find yourself in difficult or uncomfortable positions that people will put you in that will require you to say No, to be honest, and to make a little effort. So say no, be honest, and please show a little bloody effort.

I sit at a coffeehouse several hours every day and watch how we react with one another. I often wonder what some of these people are thinking, it’s sometimes sickening. And sure if you are like me there are those occasions when you just allow your innate default setting to take over. You ignore everyone and are concerned only with your own well-being, but even then it crosses my mind, and eventually, I start to consider another person situation. Instead of assuming that a person is an arrogant, unconcerned sonuvabitch I give them the benefit of the doubt considering that though they are obviously not considering mine or anyone else’s presence, they may be so consumed with thought about a dying sister or brother that they have just forgotten. In that, or any situation, there is still no reason for me to act like a robot. I am capable of being conscious and considerate and I know that I can manage without expecting anything of anyone. I am capable for no other reason than that I can, and I am willing. I cannot claim to be the best at anything, especially at communication, and my intention isn’t to lecture you. Instead I’d like to suggest to you the difference communicating to one another, especially if its difficult, can make on our personal relationships and globally. Taking a second to think about, and not work on your innate default setting, another persons situation, and communicating your own.

Gay Marriage

2010-09-24T21:02:00.001-07:00

I believe that gay marriage is about the equality of all people. I believe that the line of equality might as well be drawn here, that nothing exists outside of it. As far as I am concerned, in this moment, equality is the right to marry whomever you choose to marry. Leviticus 20 - 13 states that “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.” Religion, and the bible have made it clear their opposition to the idea, and as they continue to march to further the cause that it is an abomination and you will be judged and condemned simply for marrying whomever you choose to marry they have failed to realize that sin is an individuals separation from God, and that it will remain between God and that individual. When you are judged you will not be done so according to the pressure you have or have not placed on another, but rather with your own relationship with God, in consonance with basic christian doctrine. Allow everyone the same freedom to make their own decisions, and to live their own life the same life that they allow you. In doing so you can only gain more favor with God.

At the time the different books of the bible were written and collected science was not yet realized. The books of the bible were written between, about, 2000 years before christ and 200 years after; modern science wasn't realized until around the seventeenth century. What is understood now scientifically could not have been realized at the time the bible was penned, and in recent years attempts have been made to discover a gay gene(s). After analyzing the genetic makeup of 456 men from 146 households, in families with two or more gay bothers, researches have noticed that a cluster of the same genetic pattern formed on the 7, 8, and 10 chromosomes in 60% of gay men. Considering the scientific discovery of a possible gay gene, and the timeline between the writing of the bible and modern science we cannot ignore the ignorance the bible on the subject.

I have heard too that it was simply semantics, that the word "marriage" is sacred, and it implies a religious ceremony and the only disagreement with the union is the term. They say it should instead be considered "civil unions" while maintaining all the legal rights that would be available to anyone who is married. This, however, is a slippery slope, similar to that of the introduction to the idea of building a mosque near ground zero because: A.) There would still be people who would have problems with it. B.) By referring to them as civil unions are they being treated equally? Is making the compromise, in either case, still equality? Well, yes, of course it is. But I believe all religious beliefs should be blind to the issue so there is no problem with the reference to marriage.

There are some who believe that gay marriage would infringe on the sanctity of marriage, however homosexuality cannot abuse the institution of marriage any more than heterosexuals already have. We televise and mock the institution with network reality shows like: the Bachelor, Bridezilla, and the Next Joe Millionaire; and, our ridiculous divorce rate(46%). The government does not question the intent, quality of, or the level of commitment that one might have for another before acquiring a marriage license. I, a man, could feasibly, this evening, both meet and marry a woman having known her only a matter of hours and without being accused of whether this would affect the sanctity of marriage in the eyes of God. We could go to one of the 50+ wedding chapels in Las Vegas, the marriage capitol of the world, and easily get a marriage license, $60 and a photo ID. I believe that the foundation of the sanctity of marriage that is spoken of has long been questionable. The truth, as a result, is that religion has no place in the debate of gay marriage. Granted, religious institutions developed marriage but once it was recognized by the restrictions and the laws of the United States government it can no longer be subject to those of any religious ramifications; congruous to the separation of Church and State. And, therefore all religious complications regarding the matter should be blind to the issue. To deny the legal right of marriage to anyone is to ignore equality of men before the law. Gay marriage is not unconstitutional which means that the United States does not acknowledge a different between a man being married to a woman, or a man being married to a man (or woman to a woman).

What is it that we are afraid of? It is basic human nature to fear what we do not understand but to allow that fear, or misunderstanding to influence how we react to and treat people is unnecessary. Unless we can find a way to accept a person for who they are, regardless of who they are, we will always find ourselves in an internal conflict arguing for the sake of arguing with little reason for our words or actions. Accepting someone free of religious, political, cultural, ethnic or sexual affiliation is the only way any of us will find the freedom that we all seek. And it’s easy all you have to do is try.

The Invention of the Relationship

2010-09-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

I caught up with her at the station. The train was idling, waiting for something, a steam was clearing and friends and families were embracing, chatting, and crying for loved ones leaving, and others returning. I nearly lost myself in the crowd looking for her, worried that I missed her. The train whistled, a warning that the train would be leaving soon with or without you. She was sitting on a bench hugging her bag when I noticed her. From this distance it looked as if she were crying. Long ago I hoped that I would have learned from my assumptions, but I am constantly taken back by my lack of intuition. Someone who has been wrong as often as I have should have statistically been right by now. She was laughing, and not at all surprised to see me, in fact, she expected me and had been considering whether it would be more fun to watch me chase the train as it left or to wait to witness, first hand, the look on my face as she walked away. She then stood, and left. I sat on the bench there for a while and watched the sun slowly set in a distance until the light faded and disappeared. I thought about the invention of the relationship. Because, whoever invented relationships should die. I might be slightly bitter still, considering, however, I couldn't escape thinking about what it is that makes a relationship, and what it means exactly to be in one. I kept thinking how often throughout the course of this last one we both had issues with expectation, both our own expectations that we accepted mutually, those we tried to compromise on, and then those that seem to separate us. It seems to me that there are only so few expectations that you can communicate to each other, the rest are conditioned by: our parents relationships, the general opinions we form subconsciously from experience, and various affiliations (political, religious, cultural et cetera) The only way to work through these is a willingness of continued sacrifice, and really getting to know and to feeling comfortable with that significant other. We find ourselves making a subconscious presumption that because we have been conditioned with certain expectations that everyone has. It almost seems too obvious to mention but we have to learn to communicate and being as honest as possible while communicating, it's easy early on in a relationship to want to say what you think the other person wants to hear, don't do that. We did that. Be honest.

We were sitting on a bench in a park in the center of town, near a gazebo that we had carved a heart and our initials in one afternoon on impulse, and laughed. We talked about our future and our dreams though we revised them a little to include each other, then we latched on to some common interest and we ignored everything else. It may seem to early on, when all you want to be is playful, to talk about how serious a relationship you are looking for, who you want to be, a career, kids etc but having this conversation now just makes it easier to have later, and it is ok for everything to change. No one should expect that conversation you had months ago in that relationship to bet set in stone. When, in our relationship, it came to that point we didn't know how to talk to each other. That wasn't something that we developed. Then we just forgot to know each other. I realized this, and still couldn't say anything. One morning I woke up to a note left on the fridge, I ran to the train station to catch up to her, and have since been sitting alone on a bench watching a train disappear in the horizon. I would, every few minuets, quiet my thoughts thinking that I heard in the distance a train whistle. I sat silently for a while until I realized I was wrong. I think I tried to hard to grow with her. I had this idea that in order for us to work we needed to grow, closer, together. Thinking about it now it seems ridiculous to expect that. If I was going to expect anything at all I should expect us to grow independent of each other, not away from, not towards, just near. We should have grown independently, together.

One evening we were taking a walk through town talking about any number of things that we could fathom between here and there, and we disagreed about something. You would have thought it was the end of existence as we knew it. I felt compelled to apologize just because I thought differently. Having generally similar interests is not something that many people are thinking about, at least beyond having like interests. Obviously having common ground is important, especially to her in this situation, nevertheless it isn't something we think about because it is just an understanding but the thought is incomplete, you also need to have the right dissimilarities. Everyone is familiar with the idea that opposites attract, do we ever really consider what that means, though? Our dissimilarities are just as, if not more, important in a relationship than our common ground. Firstly, it means there is still a degree of self, meaning we haven't spent this time slowly becoming the same person. Secondly, we have something to talk about. It is easier and more interesting to have a conversation with someone about something you think differently on than something you agree about. This is how you learn. And, it can allow you to come to a same conclusion by different means, like science and religion. Also, you can see how well you react to one another when you disagree. You will agree on some things, but not everything, and when you do disagree are you capable of being accepting of that. Can you discuss it without arguing?

Regardless, I've been sitting here for hours, the warm evening air has now turned cold and damp, a full moon distracts me from being distracted. All I have to show for these wasted hours is that I have learned nothing. I'm just as confused now as I have always been, and even if I did have some profound moment of enlightenment it wouldn't make the slightest difference next time around, because the rules change. It's all general. I'll know what I have always known, to try and communicate as well as possible as early as possible, to not assume that everyone thinks and reacts the exact same way I do, and realize that it probably isn't personal. These are the personal interactions we cherish, and will continue to cherish, they make a difference in our lives. When you don't have one you want one and when you have them sometimes you catch yourself questioning your sanity. You know you'll get hurt again, but we believe its worth it, or at least that this one will be different, and it will be, but will it be the last? Either way it is worth a try.

A first

2009-01-08T00:19:00.000-08:00

Today I decided to cover at least one seemingly insignificant happening in my day to day life in greater detail, and came to the conclusion this blog would be the best means in which to do so. I've always been more interested in capturing particular moments in time from any point of view then getting lost in waiting for and finding meaning in those events that seem post worthy. Today I drove to work and it seems that the distance between here and there is steadily increasing in distance. But, I digress. Soon thereafter (work) I drove to a coffeehouse and while ordering my sixteen ounce Chai became one of the two founding members of one Sunset Writing Club that would meet every Monday and discuss the art of writing.

From there my afternoon progressed in an only slightly more interesting manner leading me here while reflecting and pursuing a career with Blogger. But for the time being it is late and I'd like to rest but I'll pick up again perhaps tomorrow in a series of uninteresting events that when combined are the building blocks of life.